The Saga of the Badfic...
Apr. 16th, 2004 06:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
athersgeoWell; I've had my spud-gun out on badfic again - this time with amusing results...
The story can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1784717
My Review
And yet another writer falls prey to the idea that abuse is cool and therefore a great subject to write about. I have news for you: It is neither cool nor a great subject to write so lightly about.
This story is also one hundred percent completely and utterly implausible.
For example: If someone wants to kill themselves, there are FAR easier ways of doing it and ways that are by FAR and away much less likely to be interrupted by some good natured passer by than by throwing yourself off into the sea - ways that are also far more likely to succeed. Also: You are presupposing that you can get by the security that working docks employ to keep idiots out. I have been to a working dock (Avonmouth Docks [which is about ten miles from my home in Bristol, SW England]), and the whole place is fenced off very firmly. Further more the two entry gates are guarded twenty-four hours a day and unless you have a reason for being there, they will not let you in. If this is not the sort of dock you're talking about, then this becomes even more laughable - non-working docks, tend, these days, to be either havens of bars and restaurants; shops, or possibly offices. Suffice to say, areas in which there are normally LOTS of people.
I could continue listing implausibilities (what friend gives another friend a 24 carat gold ANYTHING? That is a VERY expensive trinket), and then I could also start on your grammar and story telling abilities (or rather, the lack of them), but to be honest, I'm not that bored.
The only constructive thing I can tell you is that this story is beyond all help. Please, please, PLEASE stop.
Somewhat to my surprise, I found in my inbox an email of subject line "Implausabile?Moi?". I won't paste that in, because my response to it quotes it, verbatim (typos and all), instead...
My Response
> Implausiblewould like to say many insulting things to you but I wont because
> I'm better than that. I've just read your 'review' for "Yesterday A Pirate
> Saved My Life" and I would like to bring a few things to your attention...
> the first being, it is entirely plausible to have a UNUSED dock,
Granted - but even they, in this day and age, have security to prevent this.
> the second
> being if nobody has ever given you 24-carat 'trinkets' then you must not
> have very caring friends,
Uh, the worth of a friendship is NOT measured by how much money you spend on
each other. If you have yet to learn this, I pity you.
> the third being I have good grammar,
I beg to differ - considering that in this email I can see at least two
mistakes, and that is without even looking. If you have good grammar take
the time and make the effort to actually show it. It will impress a few more
people.
> it's a story
> about PIRATES for goodness sake.
And that excuses complete implausibility? Grammar errors? Typos? Having Jack
Sparrow so far out of character he isn't the character I saw in the film?
Are you, by this statement, attempting to suggest that pirates are some how
implausible/ficticious characters? If you are, then you are sorely mistaken.
Though the film itself is not a historical documentary, the type of
characters Jack and his crew are most certainly did exist in history. Look
up Black Beard, just as one example.
> Now, I would like to say that you're an
> idiot.
It takes one to know one, dear - and believe me, by this petulant email you
are revealing yourself to be even more of an idiot than I was thinking.
> If you don't like it, don't read it!
Be assured, I won't be.
> P.S.
> My mother says:
>
> Natalie is a young woman who is writing her story purely for fun and using
> her imagination. She does not frequent dockside areas and any small errors
> do not seem to matter to the 34 people so far who have given her positive
> feedback.
The positive feedback is all of the "plz rite more" variety. It tells you
NOTHING about how good your writing actually is. Take it from someone who
has been writing for more than fifteen years, your writing is NOT good. It
probably could be, but to get there, you have to be more open to criticism.
And yes, that includes criticism of the sort I gave you. Believe me. The
first story I wrote (at least, the first one that I shared with people)
actually had people laughing at it - to my face. THAT is the definition of
humiliation. Did I throw a tantrum at them? No. Did I get my mother to tell
them off? No. I asked them what they found funny and went away and worked on
it until it became something better.
> Many of them urging her to post more chapters. Constructive
> criticism given with genuine helpfulness are always gratefully accepted.
I gave the only constructive criticism I could: Stop and work on it more. I
stand by that remark.
> I hope you do not have children because their self worth and confidence must
> be at an all time low if you treat them in the same way.
Not that it is your mother's business, I don't have children. It also has
little to do with a piece of feedback received by you on a PUBLIC website.
By posting in that PUBLIC forum, you have signed up to receive the views of
THE PUBLIC - and we don't have to be polite if we dislike what you've
written. If you do not wish to receive this sort of review, share it with
your friends in PRIVATE.
> Instead of reading
> the story and picking holes in it why not just leave it and read something
> you do enjoy or do you get perverse pleasure in annoying young people?
Perverse pleasure? No. Satisfaction in seeing authors improve and do better?
Yes. And would I be right in saying you have sent a similar sulking rant to
the rest of your detractors? Yes? Then frankly, you are an immature little
girl.
Yes, that is hurtful. Yes, my review was harsh. That's life. Grow up and get
over it, do.
And in answer to the question in your subject line: Mais, oui - tu es trés
implausible.
Rach (aka The Fink)
I knew that wasn't going to be the last of it, and sure enough, in my inbox this morning...
And Email The Second
What a stuck up little miss you are. I have no idea how old you are. Either
very young with a fairly grown up vocabulary, or a grown up who obviously
has no kind of life. I am Natalie's' mother and am 45 years old. I like to
think that if I had any kind of criticism of any kind towards anyone I would
do it in a tactful and caring way. The only satisfaction you seem to get is
trying to convince a young child you are far superior to them. Natalie will
not be responding to any further emails from you as I have banned her from
even reading them. Out of 34 reviews she has had two negative ones. The
other one she received was constructive and helpful and Natalie readily took
on board the comments made. So in answer to your question I have not sent an
email back to anyone else because it was not needed.
Why don't you find out if there are any courses local to you that teach good
manners. You obviously have none. You will find out as grow old that you
will be left lonely and disillusioned. I am polite to everyone, hold doors
open for strangers, help anyone I can and probably regarded by you for doing
that a sad case. Well my dear its a very old but very true saying. "Good
manners cost nothing!". Unfortunately I have ignored my own advice this time
by lowering myself to your level - rest assured it will not happen again.
You are not worth dealing with any longer.
Now, clearly from that, any response I send is unlikely to be read or replied to, so whether or not I send the following is a little open to debate (though I probably will; after all, I've just taken the time to write it), but...
And My Answer The Second
Dear Mrs Majduch
It is such a shame that you are attempting to hold a perfect, random stranger who is not under your authority to a standard that you are making no effort to hold your own daughter to. Perhaps you might like to read the email she initially sent to me. Perhaps you might also look at the actual content of my review. While I was non-complimentary towards your daughter's story, I was not as downright impolite as you would have people believe and nor was I in my response to your daughter's email. You might also like to pay particular attention to the first line of my review which stated quite a serious problem with your daughter's writing, to-wit the casual use of an abusive parent (in this case, a father). The way it was done is crass, unrealistic and further more, as someone who has known several people who have legitimately been in that situation, it is also insulting.
I will relieve your curiosity, although truly it is none of your business how old I am: I am in my mid-twenties and, for your information, I do all of the things you accuse me of deeming to be 'sad'. That includes, I hasten to add, offering my time, effort and editing skills to authors. Had your daughter emailed me to ask me for more information regarding my review, or even had she asked me what she could do to actually improve her work, I would have given her just that advice. Sadly for her, she did nothing of that kind. It is mentioned beside the place she found my email address "if you wish to flame me, beware, I will bite back"; she flamed and has now found out that by 'bite', I do mean 'bite'. (Flame, meaning "unfounded personal attack" - and describing me as an idiot was both unfounded and personal.)
In closing, I cannot say I am too hurt by your assertion that I am not worth dealing with. What I can say is I have now drawn much the same conclusion of you and your daughter.
Kind regards
Rach (aka The Fink)
So; there you go. I think I will send that second email - so I'll keep you posted on matters.
The story can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1784717
My Review
And yet another writer falls prey to the idea that abuse is cool and therefore a great subject to write about. I have news for you: It is neither cool nor a great subject to write so lightly about.
This story is also one hundred percent completely and utterly implausible.
For example: If someone wants to kill themselves, there are FAR easier ways of doing it and ways that are by FAR and away much less likely to be interrupted by some good natured passer by than by throwing yourself off into the sea - ways that are also far more likely to succeed. Also: You are presupposing that you can get by the security that working docks employ to keep idiots out. I have been to a working dock (Avonmouth Docks [which is about ten miles from my home in Bristol, SW England]), and the whole place is fenced off very firmly. Further more the two entry gates are guarded twenty-four hours a day and unless you have a reason for being there, they will not let you in. If this is not the sort of dock you're talking about, then this becomes even more laughable - non-working docks, tend, these days, to be either havens of bars and restaurants; shops, or possibly offices. Suffice to say, areas in which there are normally LOTS of people.
I could continue listing implausibilities (what friend gives another friend a 24 carat gold ANYTHING? That is a VERY expensive trinket), and then I could also start on your grammar and story telling abilities (or rather, the lack of them), but to be honest, I'm not that bored.
The only constructive thing I can tell you is that this story is beyond all help. Please, please, PLEASE stop.
Somewhat to my surprise, I found in my inbox an email of subject line "Implausabile?Moi?". I won't paste that in, because my response to it quotes it, verbatim (typos and all), instead...
My Response
> Implausiblewould like to say many insulting things to you but I wont because
> I'm better than that. I've just read your 'review' for "Yesterday A Pirate
> Saved My Life" and I would like to bring a few things to your attention...
> the first being, it is entirely plausible to have a UNUSED dock,
Granted - but even they, in this day and age, have security to prevent this.
> the second
> being if nobody has ever given you 24-carat 'trinkets' then you must not
> have very caring friends,
Uh, the worth of a friendship is NOT measured by how much money you spend on
each other. If you have yet to learn this, I pity you.
> the third being I have good grammar,
I beg to differ - considering that in this email I can see at least two
mistakes, and that is without even looking. If you have good grammar take
the time and make the effort to actually show it. It will impress a few more
people.
> it's a story
> about PIRATES for goodness sake.
And that excuses complete implausibility? Grammar errors? Typos? Having Jack
Sparrow so far out of character he isn't the character I saw in the film?
Are you, by this statement, attempting to suggest that pirates are some how
implausible/ficticious characters? If you are, then you are sorely mistaken.
Though the film itself is not a historical documentary, the type of
characters Jack and his crew are most certainly did exist in history. Look
up Black Beard, just as one example.
> Now, I would like to say that you're an
> idiot.
It takes one to know one, dear - and believe me, by this petulant email you
are revealing yourself to be even more of an idiot than I was thinking.
> If you don't like it, don't read it!
Be assured, I won't be.
> P.S.
> My mother says:
>
> Natalie is a young woman who is writing her story purely for fun and using
> her imagination. She does not frequent dockside areas and any small errors
> do not seem to matter to the 34 people so far who have given her positive
> feedback.
The positive feedback is all of the "plz rite more" variety. It tells you
NOTHING about how good your writing actually is. Take it from someone who
has been writing for more than fifteen years, your writing is NOT good. It
probably could be, but to get there, you have to be more open to criticism.
And yes, that includes criticism of the sort I gave you. Believe me. The
first story I wrote (at least, the first one that I shared with people)
actually had people laughing at it - to my face. THAT is the definition of
humiliation. Did I throw a tantrum at them? No. Did I get my mother to tell
them off? No. I asked them what they found funny and went away and worked on
it until it became something better.
> Many of them urging her to post more chapters. Constructive
> criticism given with genuine helpfulness are always gratefully accepted.
I gave the only constructive criticism I could: Stop and work on it more. I
stand by that remark.
> I hope you do not have children because their self worth and confidence must
> be at an all time low if you treat them in the same way.
Not that it is your mother's business, I don't have children. It also has
little to do with a piece of feedback received by you on a PUBLIC website.
By posting in that PUBLIC forum, you have signed up to receive the views of
THE PUBLIC - and we don't have to be polite if we dislike what you've
written. If you do not wish to receive this sort of review, share it with
your friends in PRIVATE.
> Instead of reading
> the story and picking holes in it why not just leave it and read something
> you do enjoy or do you get perverse pleasure in annoying young people?
Perverse pleasure? No. Satisfaction in seeing authors improve and do better?
Yes. And would I be right in saying you have sent a similar sulking rant to
the rest of your detractors? Yes? Then frankly, you are an immature little
girl.
Yes, that is hurtful. Yes, my review was harsh. That's life. Grow up and get
over it, do.
And in answer to the question in your subject line: Mais, oui - tu es trés
implausible.
Rach (aka The Fink)
I knew that wasn't going to be the last of it, and sure enough, in my inbox this morning...
And Email The Second
What a stuck up little miss you are. I have no idea how old you are. Either
very young with a fairly grown up vocabulary, or a grown up who obviously
has no kind of life. I am Natalie's' mother and am 45 years old. I like to
think that if I had any kind of criticism of any kind towards anyone I would
do it in a tactful and caring way. The only satisfaction you seem to get is
trying to convince a young child you are far superior to them. Natalie will
not be responding to any further emails from you as I have banned her from
even reading them. Out of 34 reviews she has had two negative ones. The
other one she received was constructive and helpful and Natalie readily took
on board the comments made. So in answer to your question I have not sent an
email back to anyone else because it was not needed.
Why don't you find out if there are any courses local to you that teach good
manners. You obviously have none. You will find out as grow old that you
will be left lonely and disillusioned. I am polite to everyone, hold doors
open for strangers, help anyone I can and probably regarded by you for doing
that a sad case. Well my dear its a very old but very true saying. "Good
manners cost nothing!". Unfortunately I have ignored my own advice this time
by lowering myself to your level - rest assured it will not happen again.
You are not worth dealing with any longer.
Now, clearly from that, any response I send is unlikely to be read or replied to, so whether or not I send the following is a little open to debate (though I probably will; after all, I've just taken the time to write it), but...
And My Answer The Second
Dear Mrs Majduch
It is such a shame that you are attempting to hold a perfect, random stranger who is not under your authority to a standard that you are making no effort to hold your own daughter to. Perhaps you might like to read the email she initially sent to me. Perhaps you might also look at the actual content of my review. While I was non-complimentary towards your daughter's story, I was not as downright impolite as you would have people believe and nor was I in my response to your daughter's email. You might also like to pay particular attention to the first line of my review which stated quite a serious problem with your daughter's writing, to-wit the casual use of an abusive parent (in this case, a father). The way it was done is crass, unrealistic and further more, as someone who has known several people who have legitimately been in that situation, it is also insulting.
I will relieve your curiosity, although truly it is none of your business how old I am: I am in my mid-twenties and, for your information, I do all of the things you accuse me of deeming to be 'sad'. That includes, I hasten to add, offering my time, effort and editing skills to authors. Had your daughter emailed me to ask me for more information regarding my review, or even had she asked me what she could do to actually improve her work, I would have given her just that advice. Sadly for her, she did nothing of that kind. It is mentioned beside the place she found my email address "if you wish to flame me, beware, I will bite back"; she flamed and has now found out that by 'bite', I do mean 'bite'. (Flame, meaning "unfounded personal attack" - and describing me as an idiot was both unfounded and personal.)
In closing, I cannot say I am too hurt by your assertion that I am not worth dealing with. What I can say is I have now drawn much the same conclusion of you and your daughter.
Kind regards
Rach (aka The Fink)
So; there you go. I think I will send that second email - so I'll keep you posted on matters.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 11:34 am (UTC)i think this girl had her friend write it. or, maybe she wrote it herself.
regardless, i think she is a worthy target for your crusade. march onward.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 12:02 pm (UTC)And yep; your mom's reaction is much the same as my mum's reaction would have been. Honestly; if you're old enough to post on the internet, you're old enough to answer for yourself...
Onwards in the march to improve ff.net's standards :)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 12:15 pm (UTC)You handled it beautifully, though--I've a far shorter fuse when it comes to idiots. Kudos for your patience. Mwah.
Now if only there were a fanfiction vaccination. They take the dead cells from badfics and inject them into young, aspiring writers. --Think it'd solve our problem?
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 12:18 pm (UTC)Thank you - my first job was working as a taxi controller, which involved dealing with copious numbers of idiots, many of them very drunk. It was WONDERFUL for teaching me patience and how to keep polite to people even when I wanted to throttle them...!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 12:21 pm (UTC)Ma'am, I salute you! *does so*
I'd have had about a thousand bodies buried in my wonderfully expansive backyard if I had to work in an environment with so many utter morons. Just--ugh.
It takes a braver soul than I to survive a frontal assault on the frontal...lobes? (Ohhowwitty. Only, y'know...not)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 12:25 pm (UTC)Taxi Controlling Fun (http://www.livejournal.com/community/customers_suck/5377892.html)
It actually wasn't so bad; even the idiots gave you a good laugh (though usually three days later when you'd finally lowered your blood pressure...) - and if they did get too bad, there was always the ultimate option: Hang up!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 12:28 pm (UTC)Shall go check out that--erm...you called it fun, did you? O.O; Well, I'll go check it out anyways. XD It might provide some amusement for my terribly sleep deprived self. Thankyaa kindly ^_^
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 12:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 12:50 pm (UTC)And the thing of it is, if the author had been reasonable in her email, I really would have offered her as much help and advice as I could in terms of improving her writing, even down to how she could actually have improved this story.
Ah well - when people have revealed themselves to quite clearly be fairly high on the idiot-scale, mocking is always fun :)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 01:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 01:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 01:02 pm (UTC)Cranky today and very amused by this. Please continue to show people their stupiditiy.
Side note: The first time I showed my mother a fic I wrote SHE was the one who laughed at me. Considering how dreadful it was I don't blame her. *shudders*
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 01:08 pm (UTC)While I'm in the mocking mode, I can reveal that the sentence that got my friends laughing hysterically was the following gem of English construction: She opened the door, pleased to see he had come. "Alec, I'm so glad you've come."
And yes, I've had to endure parents laughing at my work, too. After all, it was my mother who spotted "And Mary raped the baby in swaddling.", while my father was the one who killed "The village turned to look."
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 02:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 02:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 02:38 pm (UTC)You? Were really very polite, as well as correct.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 02:50 pm (UTC)I was rather tempted to close with "I would rather stick forks in my eyes before reading more of this story" - but I decided that was probably overkill. I'm almost wishing I hadn't shown that piece of restraint...!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 05:40 pm (UTC)> be at an all time low if you treat them in the same way.
An excerpt from the LJ essay, "The Rules of Writing Are not Arbitary", has an interesting reply to that:
There is this vaguely formed but persistent idea that "This story is good because I wrote it and posted it, and I should get recognition and praise for it." Somehow, the virtue of the story has been redefined while the rest of the rational world wasn't looking. The story is not good because it was technically superior, or because it has engaging characters or a clever plot or because it engages our emotions. No. All the story requires to be good is that this person bothered to sit in front of a computer for a few minutes and bang on a keyboard for a while, and we ought to praise them simply for letting the story - such as it is - exist. My theory is that this is symptomatic of this new idea that children's self-esteems should be bolstered regularly by telling them everything they do is wonderful just because they gave it a try. It allows people to come away with an idea that they should be praised for everything they do - indeed, that the rest of us have a moral obligation to do so. Just watch. Go find yourself a substandard fic, and review it tellling them everything they did wrong and request that they make an effort to fix it. Four times out of five, you will get back a nasty response - by email, author's note, or carrier pigeon - telling you that YOU are a mean, cruel person for not liking their fic, and if you didn't like it then it's ALL YOUR FAULT for being so callous and stupid.
This, of course, is rather like telling the person in your glue-stick house that the roof came crashing down on their head because they weren't smart enough to bother to prop it up.
That's sounds exactly like what's happening here.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-16 06:14 pm (UTC)Nice to know it's making the rounds. :D And if it ISN'T her essay, then I've definately read it somewhere else. But it seems like her style.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-17 10:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-17 12:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-17 10:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 01:49 am (UTC)christ in a bucket!
Date: 2004-04-26 06:36 pm (UTC)according to the american heritage dictionary...
criticism: 3.a. the art, skill, or profession of making discriminating judgements and evaluations, especially of literary and artistic works.
i want to know in what dictionary it says that criticism is "OMG i loved your story! it was sooooooooooo good! write more!"
or that recognizing trash makes one "stuck up."