For Your Amusement
Apr. 20th, 2004 06:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
athersgeoWell; it's been a long and tedious day. It's also been a long while since I did anything REALLY snarky with someone's work. So, behind the LJ cut is the offerings of some little troll who's plagued ff.net. It HAS to be a troll. Surely no-one could ACTUALLY write THIS badly. Surely?
Disclaimer: All grammar employed in this belongs to athersgeo, NOT to the original author, who can be found here for mocking (unless Xing's already put this out of its misery...)
Club
Jesse and Shalimar were next to the pub will Emma and Brennan were
on the dance floor
Will Emma and Brennan what on the dance floor?
dancing and talking.
"What do you think abbot?
Do we think abbot is a name miscapitalised?
Or she’d I say who do you think abbot?"
Nope - it's a Canadian with a cold. I think it's supposed to be about...
Emma tried to get his attention.
Any clue which 'his' we're talking about here?
"It’s who and not your dame business"
Is Emma running an escort service?!
Brennan answered with a smile.
"Can I gas?"
Probably but it's not ladylike to do that in public
"Give your best shoot"
BANG!
"Lat
Lat? Are we talking French milk mis-spelled? Late mis-spelled?
see... she’s a feral, brown eyes, blonde hare
hare - animal like a rabbit with longer ears and legs
and her name is Shalimar fox?"
"Don’t tell her Pleas?"
Well I suppose if he's begging her not to tell, he is making pleas...
Brennan begged.
"Your secret safe with me!!"
Ooh - is it behind a picture?
"Hey, Shall you in there?"
No, me over here
Jesse put his hand on her shoulder, he been talking for minuets
Mozart? Strauss? Wagner?!
and normally Shalimar liked to listen to him but she had a hard time to control her feral side that trey
Watch out! There's an escaped Triforian in here...
to take over. "What? Sorry Jess I didn’t hear you" Shalimar answered in her dreamy voice
It's the male version of the fangrrl...
"I have been talking to you for 10 minuets
Schubert? Handel? Prokofiev?
and you..." Jesse started but stopped when he how she looking at
Is there an Idiot-translator in the house?
"you have a crash on him!!"
What sort of crash? Car?
"I do not" Thos word coming of his math woke her up
Because we all know that numbers speak
*shit he now’s me to well*
So Shalimar is now turning into Jesse?
"Yes, you have a crash on Brennan.
No, I know what it is: It's a train-wreck
You love him" Jesse said in a grin smile
in a grin smile??? Huh???
"O’K, jests
I don't think Jesse was joking, ya know...
don’t say his name. One word and I’ll kill you" She gave him her feral eyes.
EW! ICK! GROSS!!!
"WOW, some one
Have some one - it's freshly cooked...
is cranky" It was Brennan smiling at her *he have so dutiful smile! I code day for it*
Shalimar the programmer
Can't explain the dutiful, but I think 'code day' means 'could die'
than he hired a lowed growl
How do you hire a growl? How can a growl be lowed?
and sow
Oink!
Shalimar stormed out of the club.
"I’ll go after her, you stay her"
If Brennan is going after her, why would he need someone else to stay her?
Brennan ordered and walked out after Shalimar.
"What’s rung
Her cellphone, natch
with her?" Emma asked
"She loves Brennan!!" Jesse coaled in a weaning smile.
Idiot-to-English translator around?
"You didn’t? ahh you did" Emma put her hand’s on her had
She did *what* with her *what*?!
Out side the club Brennan came to Shalimar "Shalimar come on let’s come in?" Brennan hag
OK, so Brennan isn't everyone's idea of cute, but he's not THAT bad!
her "Shall?" he called her name but there was no answer so he turned to look in her
eyes.
"Go away!" Shalimar growled *Pleas go I can’t control it* "GO I don’t wane
hurt ya"
Wane: decrease gradually in size or strength
"You never hart
Ooh - another escaped Power Ranger!
me..." Brennan triad
What has Asian organised crime got to do with anything?
to comfort her but then she kicked him hared
We're back to that bunny rabbit thing again... Well Emma DID warn us she had a blonde hare...
in the face and his blacked out.
Errr?
Then from no where sniper showed up on one of the ruffs and shot her 2 bullets one scratched her stomach and anther holed her shoulder. She quickly jumped to the ruff and kicked him off dead on the ruff flower.
My brain refuses to comprehend anything of the above paragraph, except to say that ruff means roof
She was birthing fast
Ewwwww - that was a mental image I didn't need
and finely
fine: very good (etc); finely - adjective
started to feel the pain that by now flowed her body
Her body's runny? Ugh - this story's getting grosser by the second
*what have I done?* she asked her self when she got on her bike and drove away from her friends, her family, her love.
"Emma" Shalimar cooled
What? Her heels? Her butt?
to her comm.link "Brennan is out side on the ally...
Hey! Don't leave him there; he'll squash her...
I cadent control my feral... I hurt him. Don’t try to fined
Well for hurting Brennan I do think you ought to pay SOME sort of reparations, dear...
me". By now Shalimar was very far from all, she stop her bike,
See we've got the caveman vibe going here
tock of her comm.link
Her commlink is a watch?
ring and put it in her pocket.
Out the club
Yes, out it! Can't leave it in the closet now, can we?
"Adam" Emma cooled
Ooh. If Shalimar was cooling her heels, maybe it's Emma who's cooling her butt...
to her coom.link "Shalimar run away,
Don't say that, you'll only encourage her!
we found blood and Brennan is blacked out"
Why? Is someone bombing him? Or has some fiendish person covered him in black makeup?
"O’K bring him back to hear"
What? What's he going to hear?
And at this point, I lost the will to live - you'll need to supply your own snark from here on in
Westchester NY
Rogue and Wolverine were in the training room working out "Not bad rogue" he
smiled at her after she throws him on the wall "You actually managed to catch me
by surprise". *Wolverine, Rogue and Storm come over the situation room pleas*
Charles Xavier cooled them. "Shit I hate when he do that" Rogue "let’s go
tich’"
"So way did you get as out of class I jest mange to kick his ass"
Rogue complained (Again). "We have a new mutant in the park not far from hear"
Pro. Xavier started to explain "Rogue I now you want to be part from the X-men
so this is the time to check you out. Her name is Shalimar Fox and she’s
extremely strong and wounded so watch your back. Now go!"
Disclaimer: All grammar employed in this belongs to athersgeo, NOT to the original author, who can be found here for mocking (unless Xing's already put this out of its misery...)
Club
Jesse and Shalimar were next to the pub will Emma and Brennan were
on the dance floor
Will Emma and Brennan what on the dance floor?
dancing and talking.
"What do you think abbot?
Do we think abbot is a name miscapitalised?
Or she’d I say who do you think abbot?"
Nope - it's a Canadian with a cold. I think it's supposed to be about...
Emma tried to get his attention.
Any clue which 'his' we're talking about here?
"It’s who and not your dame business"
Is Emma running an escort service?!
Brennan answered with a smile.
"Can I gas?"
Probably but it's not ladylike to do that in public
"Give your best shoot"
BANG!
"Lat
Lat? Are we talking French milk mis-spelled? Late mis-spelled?
see... she’s a feral, brown eyes, blonde hare
hare - animal like a rabbit with longer ears and legs
and her name is Shalimar fox?"
"Don’t tell her Pleas?"
Well I suppose if he's begging her not to tell, he is making pleas...
Brennan begged.
"Your secret safe with me!!"
Ooh - is it behind a picture?
"Hey, Shall you in there?"
No, me over here
Jesse put his hand on her shoulder, he been talking for minuets
Mozart? Strauss? Wagner?!
and normally Shalimar liked to listen to him but she had a hard time to control her feral side that trey
Watch out! There's an escaped Triforian in here...
to take over. "What? Sorry Jess I didn’t hear you" Shalimar answered in her dreamy voice
It's the male version of the fangrrl...
"I have been talking to you for 10 minuets
Schubert? Handel? Prokofiev?
and you..." Jesse started but stopped when he how she looking at
Is there an Idiot-translator in the house?
"you have a crash on him!!"
What sort of crash? Car?
"I do not" Thos word coming of his math woke her up
Because we all know that numbers speak
*shit he now’s me to well*
So Shalimar is now turning into Jesse?
"Yes, you have a crash on Brennan.
No, I know what it is: It's a train-wreck
You love him" Jesse said in a grin smile
in a grin smile??? Huh???
"O’K, jests
I don't think Jesse was joking, ya know...
don’t say his name. One word and I’ll kill you" She gave him her feral eyes.
EW! ICK! GROSS!!!
"WOW, some one
Have some one - it's freshly cooked...
is cranky" It was Brennan smiling at her *he have so dutiful smile! I code day for it*
Shalimar the programmer
Can't explain the dutiful, but I think 'code day' means 'could die'
than he hired a lowed growl
How do you hire a growl? How can a growl be lowed?
and sow
Oink!
Shalimar stormed out of the club.
"I’ll go after her, you stay her"
If Brennan is going after her, why would he need someone else to stay her?
Brennan ordered and walked out after Shalimar.
"What’s rung
Her cellphone, natch
with her?" Emma asked
"She loves Brennan!!" Jesse coaled in a weaning smile.
Idiot-to-English translator around?
"You didn’t? ahh you did" Emma put her hand’s on her had
She did *what* with her *what*?!
Out side the club Brennan came to Shalimar "Shalimar come on let’s come in?" Brennan hag
OK, so Brennan isn't everyone's idea of cute, but he's not THAT bad!
her "Shall?" he called her name but there was no answer so he turned to look in her
eyes.
"Go away!" Shalimar growled *Pleas go I can’t control it* "GO I don’t wane
hurt ya"
Wane: decrease gradually in size or strength
"You never hart
Ooh - another escaped Power Ranger!
me..." Brennan triad
What has Asian organised crime got to do with anything?
to comfort her but then she kicked him hared
We're back to that bunny rabbit thing again... Well Emma DID warn us she had a blonde hare...
in the face and his blacked out.
Errr?
Then from no where sniper showed up on one of the ruffs and shot her 2 bullets one scratched her stomach and anther holed her shoulder. She quickly jumped to the ruff and kicked him off dead on the ruff flower.
My brain refuses to comprehend anything of the above paragraph, except to say that ruff means roof
She was birthing fast
Ewwwww - that was a mental image I didn't need
and finely
fine: very good (etc); finely - adjective
started to feel the pain that by now flowed her body
Her body's runny? Ugh - this story's getting grosser by the second
*what have I done?* she asked her self when she got on her bike and drove away from her friends, her family, her love.
"Emma" Shalimar cooled
What? Her heels? Her butt?
to her comm.link "Brennan is out side on the ally...
Hey! Don't leave him there; he'll squash her...
I cadent control my feral... I hurt him. Don’t try to fined
Well for hurting Brennan I do think you ought to pay SOME sort of reparations, dear...
me". By now Shalimar was very far from all, she stop her bike,
See we've got the caveman vibe going here
tock of her comm.link
Her commlink is a watch?
ring and put it in her pocket.
Out the club
Yes, out it! Can't leave it in the closet now, can we?
"Adam" Emma cooled
Ooh. If Shalimar was cooling her heels, maybe it's Emma who's cooling her butt...
to her coom.link "Shalimar run away,
Don't say that, you'll only encourage her!
we found blood and Brennan is blacked out"
Why? Is someone bombing him? Or has some fiendish person covered him in black makeup?
"O’K bring him back to hear"
What? What's he going to hear?
And at this point, I lost the will to live - you'll need to supply your own snark from here on in
Westchester NY
Rogue and Wolverine were in the training room working out "Not bad rogue" he
smiled at her after she throws him on the wall "You actually managed to catch me
by surprise". *Wolverine, Rogue and Storm come over the situation room pleas*
Charles Xavier cooled them. "Shit I hate when he do that" Rogue "let’s go
tich’"
"So way did you get as out of class I jest mange to kick his ass"
Rogue complained (Again). "We have a new mutant in the park not far from hear"
Pro. Xavier started to explain "Rogue I now you want to be part from the X-men
so this is the time to check you out. Her name is Shalimar Fox and she’s
extremely strong and wounded so watch your back. Now go!"
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-20 12:33 pm (UTC)Rogue and Wolverine were in the training room working out
WOW. All the words were spelled right in that sentence. Not much in the way of grammar, but hey.
"Not bad rogue" he smiled at her after she throws him on the wall
So he smiled in the past AFTER she throws him on the wall in the present...
"You actually managed to catch me by surprise".
He was probably distracted by the sudden lack of frightening misspelling.
*Wolverine, Rogue and Storm come over the situation room pleas*
That was one plea, actually. (Not touching the rest of the sentence.)
Charles Xavier cooled them.
Doing his best imitation of Bobby Drake.
"Shit I hate when he do that"
Shit I hate too. Speak like Yoda you must?
Rogue "let's go tich'"
This story is making me 'tich' too. Or am I developing a 'tich' because of it? Not sure what that word's supposed to be...
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-20 12:40 pm (UTC)And the next part...
Date: 2004-04-20 12:41 pm (UTC)Ah, it's a bad joke, that's why she's talking that way.
mange to kick his ass"
She gave him mange? Ew, no wonder Wolverine's so twitchy and easily distracted. (Mange = Any of several chronic skin diseases of mammals caused by parasitic mites and characterized by skin lesions, itching, and loss of hair.)
Rogue complained (Again).
The again added for those morons who didn't notice her complaint two lines up.
"We have a new mutant in the park not far from hear"
Within earshot? That would account for all the growling and screaming out there...
Pro. Xavier started to explain
He's a pro, all right at confusing the hell out of us. (It's "Prof." if you must abbreviate!)
"Rogue I now you want to be part from
Wait. Apart from or part of? Did the author just throw together two completely contradictory prepositions?
the X-men so this is the time to check you out.
...in one of those tight leather suits.
Her name is Shalimar Fox and she's extremely strong and wounded so watch your back. Now go!"
I'd make a comment, but I'm too stunned at the sudden moment of coherence here.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-20 12:49 pm (UTC)