*Yawn*

[athersgeo]

The umpiring is catching up with me. Probably going to be having an early night.

But before I go, here's chapter 5's commentary. (Only one more chapter and the epilogue to go, which I'll prolly post both of tomorrow).

Alex, Katie, (Rob) Logan, Lucas, Trip, Nadira, Wes, Jen and Eric (who doesn't show up but gets mentioned once or twice) don't belong to me; they're all borrowed from BVE without permission but no harm, no foul, no money made.

Tonk and Tonk's place have been borrowed from David Schmoller/Full Moon Films without permission but no harm, no foul, no money made.

The film in question is called Netherworld and it is a very, VERY weird quasi-horror quasi-porn film. Ironically enough, Full Moon are the production company behind two of Jason Faunt's previous acting gigs!

Everything else, from the Galvas to Deregovian Brandy (!!) does belong to me. You're welcome to borrow but please ask me first.

There is a little inspiration from Star Wars in both the Galvas (Wookies, anyone?) and the brandy, but not enough to be sued. In fact, the brandy actually owes far more to stories of home made Russian Vodka.

With exceptionally grateful thanks to Gamine for beta'ing, pulling out the nits and reminding me that I really SHOULD remember to use adverbs, they don't bite... Also with thanks to Chris for graciously allowing me to bounce sections off him.

Please offer feedback, it tells me how I'm doing.

~*~

Future Imperfect -- Verdict Rendered

So you can probably figure from this that we're going to get the court case wrapped up, now...which means...

Katie looked around at where she found herself standing and debated whether to shudder or shake her head. She settled for a combination of the two.

What on earth am I doing in this dive?

Looking around again, she took in the details of her surroundings. It was a bar. At least, she reflected, that was what it claimed to be -- she begged to differ. It was a grungy, grimy hole. From the way the glasses ranked up on a shelf behind the counter barely glinted in the poor lighting, Katie guessed that cleanliness was not high on the list of requirements in this place. The bottles, on a shelf above the glasses, were all unlabeled and even more visibly grubby.

...Katie's surroundings should be a little bit of a surprise! To say this chapter came from left of field is to redefine 'left of field'. When I started Future Imperfect, this was NOT in my plans. Not even slightly. Oh, and the bar's description owes a lot to somewhere I used to work. (NOT a bar, I hasten to add!)

This was the sort of place you went to get very, very seriously drunk.

And where the hangover cure probably consisted of a blaster to put yourself out of your misery afterwards.

With apologies to Michael A. Stackpole for lifting that line from I Jedi!

Katie shook her head again. This was a frontier, off-worlder bar located in the heart of Forgotten District. This was the last place on earth a Time Force officer went willingly and yet, as her eyes fell on her quarry, this was exactly where one Time Force officer had gone. And given he was drinking alone, he must have done it willingly.

With a third shake of her head -- coupled to a haughty, mercury-freezing glare in the direction of a greasy looking Derego who was clearly on the look out for a bed-partner -- she headed across the crowded, noisy, noisome room towards his table.

"Go 'way," he slurred without looking up. "I paid for dis," he added, gesturing vaguely at the dirty bottle on the table in front of him.

"Not gonna happen," Katie retorted, sitting down. "Alex, what's going on?"

And this, if I've done it right, should have come as a surprise to folks. It certainly surprised the heck out of me!

Blearily, he peered at her and blinked, a little stunned. "Din' think'd be you," he muttered.

Alex knows that *someone* was going to come after him.

Katie snorted. "Well tough, it is me. You going to tell me what this is all about or do I just hit you over the head and drag you home?"

"This?" Alex answered, gesturing vaguely. "This is obvious. I'm getting drunk." The words were spoken with the almost perfect diction only the extremely drunk ever manage. Each syllable was carefully enunciated and combined with the extreme look of concentration on Alex's face, Katie would have laughed but for the situation they were in.

Instead, she rolled her eyes. "Why?"

Alex grabbed at the bottle and missed. "Because." He made another grab for the bottle and this time successfully latched onto it. He took a long swallow of whatever it was and grimaced. "Because it all ends."

Katie's eyebrows lifted. "What ends, Alex?"

"It. Life. Love. Everything. Tomorrow."

And you thought Eric's self-perception was bad; meet Alex Collins...

She frowned. "Do you mean the trial?" she asked.

Alex snorted and started to laugh, something that rapidly descended into a hysterical cackle that attracted attention. Katie tried to shush him, but he wouldn't. "The trial, she says!" he exclaimed.

"Alex!" Katie hissed as several Deregos and a couple of rough-looking Triforians

Rach suddenly remembers that PR did actually introduce a few Alien species of its own...

turned to look in their direction.

"What?" he snapped, suddenly angry. He launched unsteadily to his feet. "I will say what I like!"

"Alex sit down and shut up," she snapped. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Whadda you care?!" he slurred, swaying on his feet. "No-one cares."

"That's not true and you know it. Now sit down!" Katie ordered.

Alex ignored her. "Name one person who'da give a shi' if I died t'ni," he mumbled, the anger passing into depression at light speed.

"Jen," Katie answered firmly without hesitating.

I did consider having Katie say she would care, but I think it worked out better this way.

And suddenly Alex seemed to collapse inwardly, crumpling back into his seat like a puppet whose strings had just been cut. "She wouldn't care," he whispered.

The look of heartbreak and desolation on his face was so strong that Katie had to bite her lip not to burst into tears. She didn't think she'd ever seen him look so sad or upset, and suddenly she had an inkling of what this might be about. "You're wrong, Alex; she would care a great deal."

Alex just stared at her blearily and reached for his bottle again. "No she wouldn't. Why would she? She has Wes. What would she need me for?"

"Alex," Katie began patiently, "you're her friend. If you do something stupid tonight..."

"She'll get over it." He swallowed more of the bottle's contents, apparently not caring that most of it missed his mouth and poured down his shirtfront. "'Sides. Better I die toni' than..." He shrugged carelessly.

"Than?" Katie prompted. But Alex just shook his head. "OK - what happens tomorrow?" she pursued.

"I promizi'd tell them."

He's not so out of it as to not remember that promise. Though I think he wishes he was.

Katie watched as he regarded the bottle for a second, shook it and presumably decided there was nothing left.

"Hey!" he yelled, suddenly angry again. "Who stole my drink?"

"I think you've had quite enough," Katie interjected.

He glared daggers at her -- a look that would have been more impressive had he truly been able to focus on her. "It...snot up to you! Waiter!" he yelled.

"Alex!" Katie hissed, but to no avail.

Alex staggered to his feet. "I will have more drink!" he yelled, belligerently staggering up to the counter, apparently not caring who he walked into or whose drinks he spilled.

The line "I will have more drink" is a line from a VERY old episode of the British detective show, Bergerac. It was the first time I'd ever seen someone depict an obnoxious drunk on TV (John Nettles in fine form), and it was an image that really stuck with me. A lot of this scene owes something to that particular episode.

"Alex you're gonna get us both killed," Katie mumbled, wishing she'd taken Rob Logan up on the offer of an escort. She got to her feet in time to see Alex blunder into the biggest occupant in the bar.

To Katie's eyes he was the largest, most evil looking Galvas she had ever seen. He was easily twice Alex's height and probably three times as broad with long, powerful arms. She knew that an enraged Galvas could literally rip a human being limb from limb in a matter of seconds and not only had Alex just walked straight into this behemoth, he had caused the other being to spill his drink and...

"Get out of my way you freak!" Alex yelled, jabbing a fist into the broad expanse of back before him.

That would be what you *call* an 'oh shit' moment.

Suddenly the bar was silent.

"What," rumbled the Galvas, turning round to face Alex, "did you call me?"

Katie tried to work out if the tone of voice the Galvas used was angry or incredulous. Judging by the expression on his face, she decided it was probably a combination of the two.

"I called you a freak," Alex snapped enunciating each word carefully. In the stunned silence every syllable echoed. "Are you deaf as well?"

Someone's been stealing my commas again...

A gasp went round the room. Katie could hear muttering from somewhere behind her and guessed the Deregos in the bar had started a betting pool on the likely outcome. She wanted to look away but she couldn't seem to drag her attention from the scene.

"And you, pesky little man," the Galvas rumbled, "have less sense than a grohlfly." Then the Galvas smiled, showing teeth. "But it's your lucky night. I'm in a good mood." A muted groan ran round the bar. "Get out of my sight now and you live."

"Annn whaddya gonna do if I don't?"

The attempted tough talk, however, was rather ruined by the gentle sway to Alex's balance. The effect was lethally comical. Katie covered her eyes. He really did have a death wish. But when she heard no sounds of tearing flesh or popping bones, she looked up to see the Galvas smiling again.

"Woman!" the Galvas called. "Take your friend home. I like him -- he amuses me."

It took Katie several seconds before she realised he was talking to her. Once she did, she found herself moving forwards almost without her own volition. If the Galvas was going to allow Alex to continue to breathe after all that, she wasn't about to refuse that offer. Particularly as it looked as though Alex was prepared to.

She grabbed Alex by the scruff of his neck, effectively preventing any response he might have made, smiled at the Galvas -- who actually laughed in response -- and started to drag Alex away.

I love this little back-and-forth

"Hey!" he objected as she neared the exit and loosened her grip somewhat, enabling him to breathe properly once more.

"Alex, shut up!" Katie snapped.

She reached the door of the bar just as it opened to admit Lucas, Trip and Nadira. Alex took one look at them and moaned.

"Whassa guy gotta do to get drunk on hi-zown?" he mumbled. "This'sa con...con...con..."

"Shut up?" suggested Katie. Alex sullenly did so. "What are you guys doing here?" she added.

And MORE missing commas. Shesh I was really going for it in this chapter...

Lucas offered Katie a slight smile. "Logan figured you might need a hand."

"Robza nosy bastard!" Alex commented. "'Mall ri'."

Katie snorted. "Sure you are -- that's why you just tried to pick a fight with a Galvas twice your size." Nadira snorted with what sounded suspiciously like laughter. "Guys, if you wanna help, find something we can gag him with until we get him home or else that mouth of his is gonna get him -- and us -- killed."

With the air of a conjuror, Trip produced a hypospray from his jacket pocket. "This do?" he asked.

"Perfect."

Before Alex could protest, Trip pressed the hypospray against the other man's neck. A moment later the sedative took effect and he went limp in Katie's arms.

"You got him?" Lucas asked.

Katie smiled. "He's unconscious -- not a problem."

I'm not so keen on the ultimate ending of the scene, but I do like the rest. It's a fun scene, both to write and to read back now. This was probably the first scene I actively enjoyed writing in the whole of Future Imperfect!

~*~

And this was the second one!

Alex groaned softly as he came round. His head pounded, his mouth felt like something had crawled in and died in it and his throat felt like he'd been swallowing sand.

"Damn it," he murmured.

"You have a hangover," diagnosed a voice.

"I know that," Alex retorted, not opening his eyes. "I was sorta hoping I was drunk enough to..." That was when he realised he knew the owner of the voice, and that made him open his eyes. The apparently bright light made him rapidly close them again but not before he'd identified the man standing over him. "Rob go away."

And here we get into the relationship between Rob and Alex. This, as I've mentioned, was a fun dynamic to play with - even if it DID completely screw up the given age for Logan. As for why 'Rob', it just seemed to fit with the surname of Logan.

Logan snorted. "Alex, I haven't seen you this bad since Ven knocked you back when we were in the academy. I thought you quit drinking after that."

Ven deSouza, later Evore - one of Alex's ex-girlfriends. She, Alex and Rob made up a triumvirate in the academy. For more on that, see What Friends Won't Do

"Changed m'mind," Alex muttered.

"Do you have a death wish all of a sudden?" Logan continued. "Katie told me you were picking a fight with a Galvas!"

"So?"

"There are less painful ways of committing suicide, you know," Logan observed neutrally.

"Huh." Alex rolled over and found himself rolling off whatever it was he'd been lying on. He landed in an uncoordinated heap on the floor. "Ow," he mumbled half-heartedly.

I've had hangovers like this - you can't even be bothered to feel the pain from walking into things (or rolling off things as the case maybe) because your head/throat/stomach feels so bad anyway.

Logan sighed.

"Just go away," Alex muttered, squinting up at Logan.

"Nothing doing, Al," Logan retorted offering him a hand up. "You need help and you need it big time."

"Gee, comfort much?" He ignored the hand and stayed where he was -- getting up seemed like too much effort.

"Al -- what's up?" Logan persisted. "Given the very likely outcome of the trial in," he paused and looked at his watch, "say, four hours' time, I'd have thought you'd be happy. Instead here you are -- off the wagon and in a bigger mess than when you were nineteen and knocked back by the biggest prick-tease the Time Force Academy's ever known."

Unflattering description of Ven, there, Rob!

"What are you? My father?"

You sense this isn't the first time Rob's done this for Alex, and this isn't the first time Alex has been less than enthusiastic about it.

"Nope -- just a friend who's concerned by the idea of his friend feeling so depressed that he has to go boozing it up in a place like Tonk's."

"How did you know I'd gone there?"

Logan smiled briefly. "Tonk called me when you ordered your third bottle of rocket fuel."

"I was not drinking rocket fuel," Alex objected vehemently, then winced as his head pounded harder. "Was I?" he added lamely.

"Deregovian Brandy," said Logan, smiling wryly. "Sure sounds like rocket fuel to me."

Alex groaned. What on earth had possessed him to start drinking that? Not only was Deregovian Brandy potent it also left a very nasty aftertaste -- which explained why his mouth tasted like four-day-old sweat socks. Then something else that Logan had just said filtered through his mind.

"And why would you know a guy like Tonk?"

Logan grinned. "He's a good source of information -- plus he owes the fact that his bar's still standing at all to the fact that I'm a good shot with a chrono-blaster."

No - I have no idea what Logan means by this; it was just a line that 'happened'...

Alex decided he didn't want the rest of that explanation. "So Tonk called you and you sent Katie to haul my sorry ass out of the bar before I killed myself. Thank you. Your work is done. Get lost."

Ungrateful little so-and-so, ne?

"Nu-uh." Logan sat down on the couch, which, Alex realised, was what he'd been lying on. "I'm not budging an inch until you tell me what the hell is going on."

Alex groaned. "Really, it's nothing..." Logan just snorted. "OK it's not nothing -- it's just none of your business."

"Tough shit, Al -- I've made it my business."

Any similarity between Rob and Alex's conversation here and Jen and Eric's conversation at the start of Hide and Seek is purely intentional.

"It's a long story."

Logan snorted again. "What isn't with you?" He sighed. "Look. You have three hours and forty nine minutes to get whatever this is out of your system before you have to make an appearance in court to hear the verdict read."

"I don't have to be there."

"Alex, you were the officer in overall charge of her case. It'll look odd if you're not there. This is also Covert Ops' first case. In case you've forgotten, you're the head of that department -- now that really would look odd. Head of the department not interested in the outcome of his department's first case..." Logan shook his head.

Alex glared -- and wished Logan wasn't right about that. Unfortunately Logan was right. He would have to attend. "So?"

"So you need to get whatever this problem is out of your system before you reach court."

Alex shook his head -- then wished he hadn't as the room started to spin. Once that had ceased, he said, "So I'll do like I always do, Rob. Pretend there's nothing wrong."

And Eric and Alex really aren't all that far apart in personality terms. Which is one reason they don't get on great.

"Not an option."

Alex managed to pull himself up into a slightly more co-ordinated heap and turned until he fully faced Logan. "What do you mean that's not an option?"

"Alex, you were suicidal last night. That doesn't just go away."

"I was not suicidal."

"Then how else would you describe calling a Galvas a freak?"

Alex blanched. "Good point." He sighed. "Not one of my finer moments."

Logan folded his arms. "So. What's bugging you?"

"You're really not going to let this go, are you?"

"Nope. And you have," Logan paused to consult his watch again, "three hours and twenty minutes."

Alex gave a long, pained groan. "Jen." He was more than a little startled to note that Logan's expression didn't so much as flicker. "You're not surprised," he stated.

Logan smiled faintly. "No, I'm not. I pretty much figured it had something to do with Jen."

"Am I that transparent?"

"Only when you're depressed."

"That is not a comfort."

Logan shrugged. "So what gives?"

Alex studied his hands, avoiding Logan's gaze. "There's some stuff I need to tell her...her and Wes...that I know they're not going to like. No don't," he added, looking back up at Logan, "ask me what that is -- it's purely between Wes, Jen and me."

Logan made an 'I'm harmless' gesture. "I wasn't going to ask."

Largely because Rob actually doesn't need to ask - he knows. (Not that Alex knows that - and not that I get into that here - again; check What Friends Won't Do)

"Huh."

"Are you sure you need to tell them this stuff, if it's so bad?"

Alex looked back at his hands. "I guess...if I was someone else, no I wouldn't need to. My trouble is I'm too honest." Logan snorted with what sounded like laughter.

"You? Honest? Al, you're a lying, manipulating, scheming son of a bitch."

Ouch - with a friend like this...

"Why don't you say how you really feel," Alex muttered.

Logan did his best to stop laughing. "What I mean is, you tell people around you what you need them to know and no more. I think I'm possibly the only person you're ever one hundred percent straight with -- and I'm not sure about that."

Alex froze. "I don't do that...do I?" He looked up in time to see Logan nod.

"I'm guessing," said Logan a little more gently, "it stems from running a cloak-and-dagger operation like Covert Ops -- you didn't used to do it."

Alex slowly shook his head, gratified that this time the room didn't start spinning. "Rob, how did I get to here? I don't even know who I am any more."

Cold water moment.

Logan looked taken aback. "Alex?"

"I defined myself by something that I thought was going to happen...and now it's happened...only it didn't happen like I was expecting. And now it's gone and done...and I don't know who I am any more."

"You are who you've always been, Alex," Logan answered quietly. "You're a good man. You're a good officer. You're a good friend."

"Am I?"

"Besides, how many of us ever really know how we get to where we are?"

Alex shivered. This was more 'truth' than he had wanted to let out to anyone, least of all someone who knew him as well as Logan did, so he retreated, pulling up his defences. "Rob -- I think that's a little too 'Zen' for me right now. I have a hangover...hell it's probably the Deregovian Brandy still talking."

Logan wasn't buying, Alex could see it in his expression, and for a moment he thought Logan would force the issue. Then Logan smiled. "OK. But we are going to have this conversation, Alex." Logan consulted with his watch once more. "You have two and a half hours -- why don't I go make some coffee and you grab a shower?"

And the author winces at the unintentional slightly slashy overtones...

It was a way out. Alex offered Logan a tired smile. "Sounds good to me."

~*~

Two hours, one long, hot shower, a whole pot of strong black coffee and a handful of painkillers later and Alex felt more or less ready to face the day.

Chiefly less, he decided as he headed across the Quadrangle towards the Supreme Court. About the only bright spots that this day was likely to have would be Askot's verdict and the news he had just picked up from TF Temporal. The rest of it... He grimaced.

"Good morning?"

Alex started and realised that both Wes and Jen had fallen into step beside him at some point. It had been Jen who'd spoken, although it was Wes who added,

"How're you feeling?"

If you've ever had a hangover, you'll know how irritating it is when people ask you this!

That was when he realised that they both knew what he'd done the previous evening. He glanced from one to the other and judged from their concerned expressions neither one was about to tear a strip off him. "I'll live," he settled for.

"Why did you do it?" Jen asked softly. "Are you that worried about this case?"

And for that one question alone, he regretted going to Tonk's place. "No -- not at all. Pieter's done his job." Alex smiled at Jen, willing her to believe him -- particularly given it was the absolute truth.

Once Jen had completed her testimony it had been almost ridiculously simple to prove the rest of the charges. It had only been the temporal violation that had no real, solid proof behind it. Everything else had pages of documented proof that made Carmen's character witnesses look very, very silly -- to say nothing of what it did to Carmen himself. No, there was virtually no doubt that Askot would be jailed.

Shoot me if you like, for the tell vs show approach here, but are you honestly convinced you want to see what a torturous mess I could have made of showing that lot...?

"Then why?" Jen asked.

"You know something about Eric?" Wes queried in a deceptively light tone of voice. One glance in Wes' direction told Alex just how worried the other man was that this might be the reason for his binge. Every line of Wes' body seemed tense and nervous.

And again with the slashy overtones.

And for the first time in what seemed like forever, Alex found himself grinning. "Actually I do." They had reached the courthouse steps. "I promise it's good news." Both Wes and Jen visibly relaxed at that. Might as well bite the bullet, he mused. "Tell you what, when this proceeding's done and dusted, if you two come over to my office I can give you the details..." He hesitated a moment. "And I can keep my end of the bargain."

And before either could ask him what he meant, Alex headed into the building.

~*~

Wes looked at Jen. "Bargain?" he echoed as Alex rapidly departed out of earshot. "What bargain?"

"He couldn't mean he's actually going to tell us what he was up to, could he?" Jen replied, incredulous.

Given Alex's various actions over the course of this saga, you can understand Jen's incredulity at this point!

"In the matter of The People vs. Merle Askot, the court is now in session," came the announcement over the court's PA system.

"C'mon," said Wes. "I guess we'll find out what Alex meant once this is over with. Ready?"

Jen smiled, still a little nervous over the outcome. "Ready."

Arm in arm, they entered the courthouse.

~*~

I had someone complain at the POV I chose to write this scene from - he defined it as 'weird'. I suppose it is, because it's written from the point of view of someone fairly random and non-essential (the court reporter), but it was the only way I was going to be able to show everything. It was also a fairly easy way of getting an imbiased account of everything. AND, it meant I could easily show the impact the case had been having on the general public of the year 3000. So judge for yourself if it's 'weird'.

The court reporter looked around the court. Every single seat in the public gallery was taken and there were even some people standing in the aisles. He shook his head. The last time he'd seen the court this full, it had been Ransik in the dock -- and he had been infamous. Somehow, somewhere along the line, this had developed into a major court case. And it wasn't just the spectre of the Shendraville massacre that had provoked that status.

Of course, he reflected, there was the natural interest since this was Time Force Covert Operations' first major bust. And there was Major Collins, just taking his seat. He looked relaxed but distant. Obviously a lot on his mind.

Then there was the fascination the public of the thirtieth century had with anyone who had openly time travelled -- and there were two examples sitting right next to Major Collins. Captain Scotts and Captain Collins -- the reporter bet that occasionally got confusing, and not just for the name. He shook his head -- Major Collins and Captain Collins were only immediately distinguishable from one another by fact that the Major had dark hair while the Captain was fair-haired. Of course, if you looked at them long enough you could also see that the Captain was several years younger, but you had to look for that.

And let's not forget Captain Scotts' testimony in this case, he mused, returning his attention to the details of the trial. That had been the best day's courtroom drama he'd seen in nearly thirty years of court reporting.

His eyes next fell on the prosecuting attorney, Pieter van Zyl. Newly made DA, this was his first case -- and he'd done a brilliant job. Next to him, and looking far less happy, was Joshua Carmen. The court reporter couldn't suppress a smile -- Carmen had few friends in the legal world and no-one was overly sorry to see him come out second best in a case. I suppose it's too much to hope he'll vanish without trace now?

Finally, the court reporter's gaze fell on the defendant, Merle Askot. Icy bitch, he observed. She had worn the same haughty expression throughout the whole trial -- as if the whole proceedings were beneath her. Bet there'll be no-one shedding any tears over you, either.

At that moment the tribunal panel entered the court and called things to order.

"Doctor Merle Askot, you stand accused of one million counts of second degree murder, one million counts of aiding and abetting first degree murder, one count of temporal violation, and one count of mental rape. On the charge of mental rape, we find you guilty. On the charge of temporal violation," there was a pause and before the tribunal chair concluded, "we find you guilty. On the charges of aiding and abetting first-degree murder, we find you guilty. On the charges of second degree murder we find you guilty."

The court reporter switched his attention back to Askot. Her haughty expression didn't so much as waver. He shook his head. Icy, inhuman bitch, he decided.

Looking in the direction of Major Collins, Captain Scotts and Captain Collins he saw unbridled relief -- even in Major Collins' expression. Captain Scotts and Captain Collins hugged each other, which didn't surprise him. Then both captains enveloped Major Collins in a hug -- which did surprise him, and not just him from the completely stunned expression on the Major's face.

Pieter van Zyl was a little more restrained, as befitted the DA but he too looked delighted. Carmen looked like he'd swallowed molten lead. My heart bleeds.

From the public galleries came applause and some cheering. This really is Ransik all over again, he decided.

"This court will return to order," called the tribunal chair, swiftly bringing the jubilation to a close. "It is our duty," he continued, "to pass sentence. Owing to the severity of these charges and the very obvious lack of remorse you have shown we have no choice but to sentence you to life in cryogenic prison without chance for parole, sentence to begin from this day forth." The tribunal chair nodded once. "These proceedings are at a close."

The last quote is lifted from the American General who presided over the Japanese surrender at the end of World War II - and seemed like a fairly fitting way to close the chapter.

Now, where'd I leave my bed...