Fiction Commentary

[athersgeo]

A long, long time ago, I started commentating on Jingle Bells (my last full-blooded standalone Identiverse story). In clearing out my harddrive, I've just come across three more parts that I'd just about got finished, so in the interests of being tidy, here's part 4. You can expects parts 5 and 6 later on today.

(And for those who want to remind themselves of what I've already said and done, parts 1-3 can be found here at the bottom of the list.

Disclaimer: See part 1 -- nothing's changed!

Speech between {} is in Cantonese.

With grateful thanks to Gamine for patiently picking out the nits and cattle prodding as necessary and to Jacks for the name. Also with grateful thanks to my mother (who's been doing genealogy beside me and been periodically asking me to look things up on the 'net) just because.

Please offer feedback -- it tells me how I'm doing

~*~

At five minutes to nine, Eric settled the designer sunglasses into place and allowed Hana to lead him down to the hotel lobby. The mirrored glasses both added to the image and hid the fact that though he had an Asiatic cast to his face, his eyes were very much European in shape. It did mean he was consigned to wearing the glasses most of the time, but it beat the hell out of the alternative, and it wasn't as if they were darkly tinted.

Someone had asked me after the previous chapter about how Eric was going to get away with mascarading as a Chinese gangster when his eyes were completely the wrong shape, this was my answer.

"Ms Chen?" An immaculately dressed man seemed to materialise out of almost thin air as they entered the lobby. "My name is Ahn Chung-Hee; Mr Kim sent me to meet you."

Hana smiled. "A pleasure, Mr Ahn. May I present my husband, Chen Wu?" On cue, Eric inclined his head in a regal manner.

Given that Eric wasn't going to be saying a whole heap directly to Chung-Hee, he had to have some pretty stated body language, and the sort of man Chen Wu is supposed to be is all arrogance and attitude. Hence some of the gestures and the short-and-to-the-point comments when he does speak.

Chung-Hee nodded back. "An honour, Mr Chen."

"{Tell him, the honour is mine,}" Eric said.

Hana smiled and translated. Chung-Hee nodded again. "This way."

"{Perfect,}" said Hana sotto voce as they followed Chung-Hee out of the lobby and over to a waiting limo.

Eric nodded just fractionally. First hurdle crossed successfully.

You have to figure that Eric feels just that little bit more confident for having crossed that hurdle. But it's not going to be all plain sailing!

As he climbed into the passenger compartment of the limousine, he realised -- somewhat to his consternation -- that there was already a driver in place. That meant he was going to have to try and keep up small talk. Oh, great... Hana -- perhaps sensing his unease -- gave his arm a discreet squeeze as she sat down, reminding him that he didn't have to hold a direct conversation. That might at least make life slightly easier. Maybe.

"Mr Kim's estate is some distance outside of the city," Chung-Hee explained as the driver pulled away smoothly. "I trust that you are both comfortable?"

Eric inclined his head in another imperious nod.

"Quite," said Hana smoothly.

Chung-Hee smiled. "Good. I also trust that your journey to my humble country was acceptable?"

"{You can tell him it was,}" Eric said. "{But barely.}"

Hana nodded and translated, adding, "Regrettably, it was a most turbulent journey."

Chung-Hee offered a grimace. "My most humble apologies."

Eric gave a bark of laughter. "{I was aware Mr Kim was a powerful man, I was not aware that he could control the weather.}"

This whole conversation came quite easily and naturally - and reminds me quite a bit of certain James Bond movies and the like where the two villains meet up for the first time.

Hana translated.

Chung-Hee smiled. "Perhaps one day."

Eric nodded regally again. "{Perhaps, indeed.}"

Eric settled back into his seat and looked out of the limo's windows. They were well into the suburbs of Kwangju now, travelling north-east, to judge from the position of the sun. The scenery they were travelling through was very pretty, certainly -- very leafy -- but so alien and unlike anything Eric had seen during his travels with the USMC or during his time growing up in Southern California. It was too lush. Too vivid.

Give him the desert any day.

This came about because it occured to me that for all that Eric's seen quite a bit of the world, the bits he has seen have all been desert-type or very European green and I can see him feeling at least a little uneasy with the very lush sort of green that characterises parts of eastern Asia.

"{OK?}" Hana enquired.

"{Fine,}" Eric replied automatically. "{Admiring the scenery.}"

"This is a beautiful country, is it not?" said Chung-Hee, probably guessing what they were discussing.

"{It's certainly striking,}" Eric answered.

Not the first time Eric's chosen striking as a synonym for beautiful.

Hana translated. Chung-Hee smiled.

After that, the conversation lapsed somewhat. The journey took them onwards, still travelling North-East, and upwards into wooded foothills. This is going to be quite a tough place to raid, Eric found himself thinking. Landscape's got too many places to booby trap.

He tends to see beyond asthetics to the dangers lurking. And in this case, that's partially what he's there for - trying to make an assessment for Peterson's commandos.

They crossed a wide, raging river via a quaint wooden bridge.

"This is the start of Mr Kim's estate," stated Chung-Hee. "The river is the Somjingang. It runs along two sides of the estate, providing a natural barrier from casual tourists, shall we say."

In other words, tresspassers beware!

"Eminently sensible," commented Hana. "Mr Kim is a very wise man."

"{Very,}" said Eric. Bit too wise, if you ask me. "{Ask him if it's much further, please.}"

Eric's already beginning to think this is going to be far easier said than done.

Hana looked slightly amused by the politeness as she translated the question.

Eric's random politeness is a recurring thing that pops up from time to time in my stories - I'm not quite sure where it originated from, but like a lot of things about my characterisation of Eric, it seemed to fit in. It tends to make him a little on the old fashioned side - he *tries* not to swear in front of Kim, he calls women he doesn't know ma'am - and here, he says please and thank you for Hana essentially doing her job. It's a fun thing to play with.

"No -- another mile, perhaps."

Eric nodded. Puts the heart of the complex well into the hills. Sure hope Peterson's commandos are good.

A couple of minutes more passed, then the limo pulled into a forest clearing and rolled to a smooth stop in front of a low-rise, pagoda-style building. Standing in front of the wide open door was a man Eric recognised as Kim Soong, along with a couple of men in black suits with folded arms. They'll be some of the hired 'help', Eric noted. At first glance, the two heavies looked average 'heavy' build -- six foot mobile brick wall-types -- but as Eric climbed out of the limo, he realised that actually, they were fractionally shorter than he was, they simply looked big when put next to Soong, who was of very slight build and short stature. Well this is new -- me being the tallest guy here! But that thought just made Eric more nervous. Was his build out of place?

Again, Eric's height - and references to his being on the small side - pop up all the time in my stories, so I thought it would be a fun thing to have him be in the unusual situation of being the talest guy there.

"Ah, Mr Chen -- an honour for us to finally meet," Soong began, pulling Eric's attention to the Korean. Like Chung-Hee, Soong was dressed immaculately. Unlike Chung-Hee, who was wearing a Western style suit, Soong's dress was more native in style, but still cut immaculately, and Eric suspected the gold threads in the blue-and-gold tunic were more than likely to be real gold. This was a man with some serious money.

Eric bowed respectfully. "{An honour indeed and one I am happy to return.}"

Hana, who had followed suit and bowed, translated.

"And you must be the lovely Ming -- I may call you Ming, yes?"

"But of course," Hana replied, smiling. "It is a pleasure to meet you after so many conversations."

Soong returned the smile. "I am only sorry that I was forced to inconvenience you both by calling this meeting."

"{It is but a small inconvenience,}" said Eric. "{We are very interested in what you offer.}"

Hana translated.

Soong smiled. "Good. Chung-Hee, perhaps you might show our guests to their room so that they might freshen up before we begin."

"By all means," said Chung-Hee. "This way, please."

Eric wasn't entirely surprised to see that they weren't entering the building via the ostentatiously open front door. Instead, Chung-Hee led them around to a side entrance and into a traditionally styled bedroom area.

Can we say "Rach copped out on her descriptions here?" I think we can. Partly, that was because I was trying to write fast, mostly because I hit a real wall with research. I found plenty of sites about Japanese architecture, but none about Korean. If I were to rewrite this story, that would be one of the things I fix.

"Please, if there is anything else you require, do not hesitate to ring," Chung-Hee said, indicating a discreet bell pull just inside the door. "Mr Kim wishes you to have every comfort."

"Thank you -- and please," said Hana smiling, "give our humble thanks to Mr Kim. I am sure this will be most comfortable."

Chung-Hee nodded and withdrew. Eric opened his mouth to say something, but Hana held up a hand, stilling him. He listened and heard Chung-Hee's retreating footsteps. She smiled and nodded.

"{Verdict?}" Eric asked.

"{I think your honour will remain intact,}" Hana answered, glancing around the room.

Eric followed her visual tour. "{No insect infestations?}"

Electronic bugs, for anyone who didn't get the joke

"{None that I can see.}"

Eric looked at Hana. "{You don't sound surprised.}"

"{I'm not,}" she said. "{He'd assume we'd find them.}"

"{Are you sure?}"

Looking a mix of amused and exasperated, Hana pulled out a small, black box from the miniscule purse she was carrying. "{Insect detector,}" she said. "{It finds infestations, it vibrates. No vibrations.}"

Eric smiled sheepishly and gratefully took off the shades, blinking a few times in the process. "{Sorry.}"

Hana smiled back and shook her head. "{No worries. Are you OK?}"

"{They're heavy,}" Eric answered, nodding and rubbing his nose absently. "{And I've never been a huge fan of sunglasses.}"

Which does NOT tie in with PRTF. I know. No idea what was going through my mind when I wrote the second half of that line.

Hana shrugged a little apologetically. "{Well, you're doing well so far,}" she said. "{I'm impressed.}"

Eric smiled faintly. "{I'm highly motivated.}"

Hana nodded. "{What are your first impressions?}"

Eric moved across the room towards the window, sorting his thoughts. "{Haven't really got a read on Soong,}" he admitted. "{This place is going to be tough to storm, though.}"

Hana's eyebrows lifted. "{Are you sure?}"

"{Jungle's just ripe for booby trapping -- and you can bet Soong has it trapped,}" Eric answered. "{Then there's the river.}"

Hana might have had a reply to that, but at that moment, the sound of approaching footsteps alerted them that their guide was probably on his way back. Eric sighed and slipped the sunglasses back on, just as Chung-Hee knocked on the door.

"If you are ready," he called, "I will take you to Mr Kim's meeting room."

"That would be perfect," Hana answered. "{Shall we?}"

"{Lead on,}" Eric answered.

Hana nodded and led the way out of the room. Chung-Hee smiled as they appeared.

"This way, please," he said.

Eric found himself being led through a regular warren of intersecting passageways that had probably been designed deliberately to confuse so as to avoid interlopers from finding sneaking easy. This guy isn't paranoid, but the man following him is, he mused.

Eventually, they were led out into a beautiful courtyard garden, replete with ornamental pond, tinkling fountain and manicured shrubs and bushes. It was so perfect, it almost looked as if it had been taken straight from a photograph. Where's the snake in this garden paradise? Eric found himself wondering. Then his eyes fell on Soong, who was seated on a comfortable looking bench seat under the shelter of a small pergola. There he is.

"This is my pride and joy," Soong called, presumably seeing Eric's roving gaze.

Eric's wearing shades. How on earth was Soong supposed to know Eric's gaze was roving?! *headdesk*

"{It is certainly a work of art,}" Eric answered, smiling.

Hana translated, nodding in agreement.

"I thank you," Soong replied, smiling in return. "Would you care for some tea?"

Ugh, Eric found himself thinking as he reached the pergola and realised Soong was drinking green tea. Unfortunately, Hana was already nodding and answering, "We would be honoured to take tea with you, Mr Kim."

Soong smiled and clicked his fingers. A retinue of servants suddenly appeared and produced more tea cups and fresh tea even as Eric, Hana and Chung-Hee sat down in the pergola. As the tea was poured, Eric decided he was grateful that at least this wasn't Japan, with the elaborate tea rituals to be observed. But green tea?! If I get out of this in one piece I am so going to make Peterson regret this. Doing his level best not to grimace at the grassy taste, Eric sipped from his tea cup.

For the record: I've never had green tea. This description comes from Gamine. And the tea rituals comment? Well, originally, this was going to be set in Japan - and Gamine reminded me that Japanese tea rituals would have to be heavily researched...which was more or less why I switched to Korea instead.

"And, so to business," said Soong, smiling genially. "I must explain the reason for this meeting," he continued. "Regrettably, one of my former employees decided to..." Soong paused, clearly hunting for a word. "Sell out? I believe that is the correct term."

"{That is most unfortunate,}" Eric commented.

Hana translated. Soong nodded. "Indeed. I have found myself forced to move all my operations to this location for the interim. A most inconvenient thing to be required to do at short notice. On the other hand," and he paused to smile, "it does allow for interested parties to see first hand the final stages of the trials."

"{That would be most educational,}" Eric answered. "{It is always good to know what to expect.}"

Hana translated.

Soong chuckled. "But of course. I shall have Chung-Hee show you around the facility after lunch, if that would be acceptable."

Eric smiled, taking special care to look predatory. "{Most. I thank you.}"

After Hana's translation, Soong's smile turned similarly predatory. "It will be my pleasure. I assure you, you will be most satisfied."

~*~

After a light lunch -- over which, Soong promised that the evening meal would be something special -- Eric and Hana found themselves being led down some steep, stone stairs by Chung-Hee.

"Be careful," he called up. "There is a sharp bend just here."

Sotto voce, Eric muttered, "{Where the hell are we going?}"

Ask a silly question, Eric...

Hana responded, "{Soong's 'secret' lab, at a guess.}"

Eric didn't say any more, but inwardly, he added another notch of difficulty to the commando raid. To judge by the length of the staircase this lab complex was a good thirty feet beneath the foundations of the house. Unless Peterson was planning on dropping a bunker buster on it, the lab complex would escape intact, and Eric doubted that even Peterson had enough pull to finesse dropping a bunker buster on Korean soil.

I originally had JDAM here. Either Gamine or Cmar suggested that I modify it, and bunker buster was the compromise.

Eventually, they reached flat hallway, painted, tiled and lit to look like hallway in just about any hospital or clinic Eric had ever seen.

And heaven knows, Eric's seen a few!

"Welcome to Mr Kim's research facility," said Chung-Hee. "It has been here that we have conducted all the development of the tmazacol. It is also here where the final stage trials of the drug have been conducted."

"{Impressive,}" Eric commented.

Hana offered the translation. Chung-Hee smiled, a very obvious pride in the location showing. "It is, indeed, Mr Chen. A most impressive set up. What would you wish to see first?"

"Perhaps," said Hana, "we might see the drug in action."

Chung-Hee nodded. "Of course. This way."

He led them through a pair of double doors. Eric found himself standing on a catwalk that crossed a cavernous room. Either side and below the catwalk were cells -- there was no other term for them -- with a solitary individual in. The cells were four-foot square and white with walls and flooring fairly obviously made of tile. Given the central drain grill in each one, the cells were obviously designed for easy cleaning. The roof of the cell was made of Perspex or something similar. It meant that someone on the catwalk could easily look down into each cell and by virtue of the arc lights that ringed each cell, whoever looked down from the catwalk would be completely invisible to the unfortunates in the cells.

This was one of the very, very first pieces of the story I wrote. It borrows from various sci-fi films and books that I've seen and read and it was a mental image that occured to me the moment I wrote about tmazacol in Far Future 4. It's also about the only piece of this story that didn't change at all from concept to execution. Quite a lot of the rest of this story changed in one way or another (the biggie being the location), but this one description remained the same throughout.

Eric only barely managed to contain a shudder. He'd already begun to size Soong up as something of a sadist, just from the gaps in the Korean's words, but this confirmed it and then some. If for no other reason than the sheer inhumanity of this facility, Eric promised himself Soong was going out of business.

Given Eric's history, this is something he'd feel pretty strongly about.

"These," Chung-Hee explained, "are those trialing beta one through four. You may pick any of these."

"{Pick?}" Eric queried.

"{We did ask to see the drug in action,}" Hana reminded him.

We didn't, you did, Eric thought. Aloud, he said, "{That one.}" He pointed down into the nearest cell, where a Caucasian man was sitting in a huddle in the corner of his cell, clearly trying to hide.

Chung-Hee nodded and said something in rapid Korean. A moment later and the cell door opened, almost as if by magic, and a white-coated individual hustled the occupant of the cell out and off somewhere. Meanwhile, Chung-Hee said, "This way, please."

A moment later and they entered a white, tiled interrogation room. Unlike the cells, this was a proper room -- Eric could see the white tile extending right the way across the ceiling. He could also see a very obvious video camera in one corner of the room. That probably meant there was a microphone somewhere, though he couldn't see it. A glance in Hana's direction suggested that the 'insect' detector in her purse had vibrated.

A moment later still and the test subject was brought in. The man looked emaciated, close to. Ragged beard growth, shaggy hair and hollow cheeks suggested to Eric that this man, whoever he was, had been in captivity for quite some time. Poor bastard.

Eric feels a certain afinity and pity for the prisoner...

"The subject is fully dosed," said Chung-Hee. Confidentially, he added, "You picked an excellent test subject -- this one seems to have something he genuinely doesn't want us to know."

Eric felt his stomach knot up. This had been him. Could have been him. Five years ago. He couldn't do this...

...born of his own experiences. And this is where the true awfulness of what Peterson's actually forced him to do/be becomes apparent.

"What is your name?" Chung-Hee was asking.

"George Borgh," the prisoner answered, and instantly, he doubled over in obvious and absolute wracking pain.

I think this is an in-joke for Redjacket (*waves*), but I wouldn't like to say what - I just asked her for good fake name!

Behind his shades, Eric closed his eyes. He couldn't watch this.

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a student...backpacking around Korea."

Even with his eyes closed, Eric could hear 'George's' groan as the pain overtook him again.

"Would you like to try this, Mr Chen?"

No. But the man Chen Wu was supposed to be would answer yes; would be enjoying this. Distantly, he heard his own voice answering, "{Tell him, yes.}"

Disassociation.

The next hour passed by in a haze as far as Eric was concerned. He was vaguely aware of his voice providing questions and commands, but without any conscious input. His one conscious thought was: This could have been me.

It was only when Chung-Hee commented, "My! You really do have a talent for brutality, Mr Chen," that Eric realised 'George' had passed out under the strain. Eric felt nauseated.

"{I need to get out of here,}" he muttered to Hana.

She looked shaky. "{I agree.}" To Chung-Hee, she managed an imperious, "I think we've seen enough, for now."

Chung-Hee, who was thoroughly unaffected by it all, nodded. "Of course. This way."

Chung-Hee is a fun sort of character - completely conscience-less and remorseless.

It was only through a supreme effort of will that Eric made it back to the room without vomiting. But once he was back, all bets were off. Barely had Chung-Hee's footsteps died away and he was in the bathroom, retching.

How could he have done that? How the hell could he have been that cruel? What kind of sick bastard was he? How could he have done that to someone that could have been him, but for a few quirks of fate?

The shock of a cool wash cloth being placed on the back of his neck broke through the self-loathing. He half looked up. Hana was crouching beside him, her hand gently squeezing his shoulder.

"{You did what you needed to,}" she said softly.

"{And that makes me feel so much better,}" Eric retorted.

There's a sort of parallel here between this and the conversation Eric and Kim have after Peterson's made it clear Eric's going to be doing this. Hana, like Kim, is trying to comfort Eric. Unfortunately, unlike Kim, Hana doesn't know half the story.

"{It's all any of us can do.}"

Eric slowly shook his head, wishing his stomach would settled again. "{You're wrong.}"

"{What do you mean?}"

"{All I could have done would have been punched out Chung-Hee's lights and stopped that...that...}" But Eric couldn't find a word suitable in either Cantonese or English.

"{What do you mean?}" Hana repeated.

"Don't you get it?" he whispered, dropping into English. "That was me."

I'm trying, here, to use the language Eric's using at a given point to indicate how in control of the situation he is or feels, hence when he's under stress, it's in English - as now.

"{What was?}"

"You wanted to know about the nightmare," he replied. "That room was the nightmare. That man was me. Are you getting it yet?"

"{You were...?}"

Hana doesn't want to believe what Eric's telling her.

Eric scooted back, away from the toilet bowl, and met Hana's incredulous gaze. "Can't even say it, huh? I can say it. Tortured. Yeah. Yeah I was. For two months."

Hana looked appalled. "{I...I didn't...}"

"No. Well. Peterson's good at that." Eric snorted.

Now that he was beyond the first horror, he was furious. All the anger that had been building since Peterson had shown up on his doorstep only four days earlier and that Eric had been doing his best to swallow since the start of this insanity suddenly returned, full strength. For a few seconds, he teetered on the brink of losing his temper completely.

Hana seemed to realise that and she wisely said nothing.

Had she said anything, chances are, Eric would have lost it - and would have taken his anger and frustrations out on her. For all that he's old fashioned, when he's pushed too far, a red mist descends - which is where some of the punch-bag scenes come from in other fics (in particular, Scars and Far Future 1)

The moment passed. Things began to slide back into perspective. Hana was right. As much as he hated it, and as bad as it felt, he knew that what he'd done was all he could do at that point. Killing Chung-Hee would just have gotten himself killed -- and Hana too. It wouldn't have finished Soong's operation. It wouldn't have helped the poor sap in the interview room. It wouldn't have got him even with Peterson. It certainly wouldn't have let him keep his promise to Kimberly.

"{I tell you what we are going to do,}" he finally said, dropping back into Cantonese. "{We are going to finish this. And then, I am going to kick seven bells of shit out of Peterson for putting me here.}"

Best indication his temper's back under control is him switching back to Cantonese.

This whole installment was a challenge to write - it also surprised me. In the planning stages, I wasn't quite expecting Eric's reaction to be as strong as this, but as it wrote, it seemed obvious that it would be. Most of this I'm pleased with - particularly this end section - but it could have definitely done with more details on the location and a few proper descriptions.

Comments

[squirrela.livejournal.com]

Ooooh a story. I promise I'll come back and read it properly in the morning. It's too late just now. I just wanted to say Hi, I'm squirrel from the CBB, and I have friended you! See you arround no doubt

Random comment....

[weirdweb.livejournal.com]

For the record: I've never had green tea. This description comes from Gamine.

Huh. Last time I drank straight green tea, the impression I got was a sort of sour milk taste as well. (The only green tea I like is green tea sweetened with honey, which seems to get rid of that sour milk taste.)